Sunday, September 13, 2009

The World is full of cakes and pies, so when you get tempted, don't act surprised!

Well, here I am! Still on the path to eating better.

Boy, is it hard. Have I said that already? I am feeling very discouraged right now, however, there is a part of me thinking, "Why do I let food control my life? I don't let anything else control my life. I am a strong, intelligent and independant woman." Would it be easier to have a nicotine, drug or alcohol addiction? I wouldn't addition is food.

I've been doing alright. I had a friend over today and we made dough boys...sigh. I couldn't help myself, I had to eat a couple. Drizzled...key word here is drizzled, with chocolate and caramel. In the past, it would have bathed in it.

I find it easier to be on track while I'm at work or when Logan is home. Everyone at work is so supportive and always asking how I'm doing and I really appreciate that.

I still need to do my measurements. I've been on this new eating adventure for about a month now and I feel better. I have improved my breakfast options drastically, as well as lunch and dinner. When Logan is home, I really stay on track so that he sees that I'm eating better and I think he has noticed. He questioned my there were so many vegatables in the 'fridge a couple of weeks ago!

I sometimes wonder if I'm destined to be fat? It's bad enough I'm so damn tall, but to be fat on top of that. People usually do a double take. I can't do anything about my height...I can do something about my weight...and I am trying.

Thanks for reading and keep coming back!

Thursday, September 10, 2009

I'm here...

Just haven't blogged for a week! I'll write more over the weekend...stay tuned!

Tuesday, September 1, 2009


Struggle is putting it lightly....
I turn to food when I am stressed. I have been very stressed at work over the past couple of weeks and I just want to grab a cupcake, cookies...anything at this point. Yeah, I know...go for a walk instead. That is not even comprehendable to me. How do you compare a nice, delicious cupcake to a walk!?
For the most part, I've done well. I've had my moments of weakness, I won't lie. I've had a cookie here and there. I haven't touched donuts, which is a first for me. I was at a baby shower last Friday and I had some was so fricking good! I don't think I'll ever loose the taste for that stuff!
Everyone at work has been so supportive. I've been eating Raisin Bran for breakfast this week, last week was Egg Beaters and sausage. Last week I ate salads for lunch, this week I'm winging it. Had yogurt for lunch today and then some Wheat Thins.
When does this get easier? How pathetic to have something like food control every aspect of my life. I can take over's just so hard.
A friend at work left a book on my desk today...Skinny Bitch. I'll start reading that tonight. Thanks Tammie! I need all the inspiration I can get at this point.
I'm just glad I'm not alone in my struggle. At work, we compare our struggles with each other and offer support. I just wish they were home with me at night and on the weekends!
I'm having an off day today...just really tired and annoyed that I let work control my emotions today. I didn't grab any junk...yet anyway. I don't have any at home to eat and it's driving me nuts right now, that's a good thing though because I do not have the self-control tonight if I did have junk here.
So it goes...

Monday, August 24, 2009

So it continues...

Here I am...a week into the new eating habits!
I've been doing well. I had some moments of weakness over the weekend...had ice cream with Logan Saturday night...something else but I can't remember!
Last night, I prepared my egg beaters for the week for breakfast. I also prepped my lunches for the week. Salad with chicken, cheese, cukes, and green peppers. I did pretty good today. Had a yogurt for my morning snack and a Special K bar for an afternoon snack.
Now, I had NO Crystal Light today. That is mostly due to me being so incredibly busy at work today, I honestly didn't even think about it. I automatically went to a Diet Pepsi for lunch, (which I haven't done for a week) without even thinking!! That bothered me, but didn't didn't have the time to think about it.
I had some Chop Suey tonight with hamburger, green peppers and onions. Probably not the best thing to eat, but I am on a tight budget this week and it's cheap and I can get at least 3 meals from it!
I went swimming over the weekend with Logan. That was my first time this year, so that was some good exercise.
I still need to take my measurements! I keep forgetting about that!
Hopefully I will be joining Weight Watchers soon at work with a bunch of co-workers and keep this weight loss thing going!

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Day 2 - Sugar Shock

I am at the end of day 2!
Today wasn't too bad. Sugar and I were at war! Mid morning I had the craving for sugar...I tried to ignore it...I just couldn't! I wanted to grab the first thing I saw with sugar! Instead, I went to see Cindy in her office and she offered me 3 Jolly Ranchers...Hot Cinnamon or Cinnamon Rush...I don't recall! It worked!!!! As a side note, these work really well as a laxative too! I don't know what is in those, but I had a rough afternoon!
I found myself hungry after lunch, (I had a turkery sandwich). So, around 2:30 I inhaled 2 Special K bars...I don't recall chewing them! It worked. At that point, the "old" me would have gone to the vending machine for a candy bar, skittles, etc.
Around 4:00, Sally brought a yogurt to my desk, which was very thoughtful! I think she's mind reader because I was starting to get hungry again! Thanks Sally!
So, I wasn't as hungry today. I had egg beaters and sausage links for breakfast and yes, it was deeeeeeeeeeeelicious! For lunch was the turkey sandwich and for dinner, I had a Grilled Chicken Caesar Salad at McDonald's while Logan had his cheeseburger happy meal. I had protein with all my meals...thanks for that advice Jan!
Everyone at work as been so supportive and it's great! They won't be with me this weekend...I only hope I make the right decisions!
Did I cheat today? Did I go off track? Yes...and that's ok! I took a couple of bites of Logan's cheeseburger! I didn't have any fries though!
I drank almost 60oz of water and only had 2/20oz Diet Pepsi, one in the AM and one with dinner tonight.
Not bad overall! We'll see how Day 3 goes!

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Day 2 - So it begins...

Today wasn't so bad! I ate better today than I have in awhile! I had a banana and salad for lunch. I wasn't craving the "bad foods".

The only thing that seemed to follow me was a slight headache and the constant feeling of being hungry! I was so hungry this afternoon, which is telling me I didn't do something right today, so I need to re-evalulate what I did. Hungry as in the paper on my desk was starting to look really good! I went to Hannaford after work and picked up some snacks, which I didn't have today, so that should solve it! I only drank 1/20oz bottle of Diet Pepsi---I usually suck down 2 at work! I drank water, well, Crystal Light all day, 40oz total. I was peeing a lot and it wasn't yellow!

OK, so here are the dreaded pictures that prompted me to start this blog:

Now, this is NOT the picture that led me to cry. I also want to mention that even publishing these photos is EXTREMELY embarrasing. I am mortifed that I am doing it, however, this is my road to weight loss.
For the photo that sent me into shock, it is below:

Yes, I am the one in red, towering over everyone, with the fat ass. I was MORTIFIED!!! I had no idea that's how I looked from behind. It is truly disgusting! I can't help my height, however, I can do something about my weight. I will admit, my jeans are just too big, and I figure if I had a tighter pair on, I would have EASILY looked 100lbs lighter...LOL.

I almost deleted these photos from the blog...I had to talk myself out of it.

My plan for tomorrow is to get up and walk in the AM before it gets hot. I just made my egg beaters for breakfast for the rest of the week. I am armed with my healthy snacks to curb hunger in the afternoon. Another salad for lunch! I am surprised that my body didn't reject the salad I ate today. I probably put it into shock eating roughage!

I am going to the farmers market this weekend with a friend from work and I plan to pick up lots of fruits and vegatables.

Again...not as hard as I thought...but I am only on Day 1.

I'll keep you posted!

Monday, August 17, 2009

Day 1 - The Revelation

So, I decided to take a gander of the pictures that were taken of the annual company outing from last week. As I perused them, I came across the most horrific, dreadful, disgusting! I couldn't believe how big I let myself get! It literally brought me to tears. I was so upset. I literally hit rock bottom today. In a way, I am happy I saw the pictures, (and I'll post them here tomorrow). It really brought me to my senses. I am so glad to have some very supportive friends at work that I cried to, (Thanks Missie, Tammie and Cindy).

So, I decided to create this blog to track my progress. I am going to take before pictures, as well as measurements. I'll be sharing my frustrating, triumps, downfalls, etc here. Food is my comfort. I eat when I'm bored, stressed, happy, sad, mad, lonely. I turn to food for every emotion and it scares the hell out of me with the realization of, what am I going to turn to now?

A lot of it is mental and I need to re-program my thoughts to more positive ones.

I plan to start exercising, eating better, etc and I'll try to share my days, well...daily! I am going to start walking on my lunch breaks tomorrow! I am actually excited!